What with all the graduation speakers
out there who sometimes say really stupid things
, and seldom sensible
, The Eclectic Econoclast
is offering his services for free. Benefits include
- I have a cap and gown that have been described as cool or sexy (click here to see a photo).
- I look very professional and academic with my gray beard and glasses.
- I have considerable experience listening to bad commencement addresses, so I know what not to do or say.
- I am an award-winning professor, with considerable acting and speaking experience.
- I promise not to cuss.
- ...You have your choice of opening lines (and topics):
- "Never apply latex paint over glossy alkyd enamel," or
- "There are no refunds for losing lottery tickets."
Hella deal. I'd get into this myself, but I can't beat John on price.