The Fraters are over the moon for a vibrating three-blade razor.

Last week at Target, whilst browsing for some cold medications I caught sight of the majestic Mach 3 Power Razor. After making sure that there wasn't another razor in the aisle that had already eclipsed the genius of the Mach 3 Power, I picked one up. What choice did I have? It vibrates!

And oh how it vibrates. The folks at Gillette truly have taken it to the next level with this little honey. The three blades trim your whiskers as effortlessly as an opposing quarterback slicing up the Vikings secondary, while the vibrating handle creates the sensation of a gentle massage. Shaving really doesn't get much better.

Geez, does your wife know?

For many years I had a full beard, as I'm told we professors are supposed to. Tired of finding bits of last night's burrito in there, I performed reductio ad mibeardem on it: Jawline fine, but for GOD'S SAKE MAN COVER THAT DOUBLE CHIN!! (Triple chin with all those burritos -- ed.) So the question was what to use for the rest?

This thing gets everything but email. I have held it. I have cherished it. Kicks ass over my Norelco 6.

I did not get it for Christmas. (I was too embarassed to ask for geeky shaveware.)

Damn you, Elder! I had repressed!

"It vibrates." I cannot wait for Hugh to quote this.