Wednesday, November 10, 2004

No definitions, no rules ... just right! 

Scholar Dave sends along this note, links added by me.

The tag line of Outback Steakhouse, "No rules . . . just right," was acted out again this year by such liberal Democrats as Phyllis Kahn, Sandy Berger, and Dan Rather. Steal some lawn signs, stuff your pants with stolen papers, or use forged documents! Who cares? Since leftists' ends are morally superior, they can justify any means. Ergo, rules can be ignored.

But now we see growing evidence of a new strategy employed by the left: obfuscate, or better yet, obliterate commonly used definitions of words that don't suit your ends. President Clinton first encouraged us to question variant existential meanings of the third-person, singular, present-tense of the verb, "to be," when he noted, "It depends on what the meaning of the word, 'is,' is." Then radical jurists from San Francisco to Boston ruled that in order to embrace diversity, the word, "marriage," can . . . no, must . . . be subject to diverse interpretations.

And now, as previously reported, we note that our campus administrators want us to embrace a new meaning of the word, "queen." Yes, a plurality of the less than 1/2 of 1% of SCSU's students who bothered to vote for their Homecoming Queen cast their ballots for a male. Sure, they could have voted for him to be a Vice King (or King of Vice, if you prefer); but, no, more as a joke than as a statement, they voted for him to be their "queen." Now his election is endorsed enthusiastically in the national press by politically enlightened students, professors, President Saigo, and all his administrative court jesters.

I give up now. So let me then also embrace our new mantra, "No definitions, no rules . . . just right!" I therefore write to submit the names of two individuals deserving of SCSU's highest annual award: "Students' Excellence in Leadership."

First, I nominate my 90 year-old Aunt Sally. No, she's not a student here - at least not in any traditional (or even non-traditional) sense. Actually, her Parkinsonian dementia has now forced us to confine her to a nursing home. But, hey, we're now all about breaking traditional molds and definitional stereotypes here. Sally has been a great student this year, learning how to affix new velcro straps on her shoes.

And she has led so many of us to consider the insidious nature of ageism. Why, we elites have to educate others to broaden the diversity of their thinking. Should any disagree with us, let's call them "fogyphobes," get the press here, parade around our old gal in a "Rally for Sally," and demand that President Saigo do even more to denounce all confining definitions of the word, "student."

Should anyone try to use reason to denounce our attempts to rewrite definitions, all we have to do is use emotion and cry, "Hate Crime!" Why, we can raise the community's consciousness to our demands for "social justice" even more by filing complaints with the St. Cloud police about threats received by Sally. Then we can ask SCSU's administrators to censor opposing blog sites. Wow, we could even stage a march to the St. Cloud Times.

Also, please let me nominate for a second "Students' Excellence in Leadership Award" my dog, Mort. OK, so he's not a "human" student. But, so what? What are you, a "speciest"? Can't we just broaden our thinking a little bit? Mort, after all, learned new tricks every year; and he led me by pulling on his leash. Oh, I almost forgot. The best reason for giving Mort the "Students' Excellence in Leadership" award . . . is that he's now dead!

Anyone opposing his nomination here will be branded a necrophobe. What an opportunity to expand our horizons to another cosmic dimension! Just think of the indoctrination teach-in opportunities. We can use his corpse and parade him around the Student Union! Down with being mortified about Mort . . . or any form of mortality. "Support the Mort!" I can hear the chants now.

Who cares if other "traditional" students lose their chance to win "Excellence in Leadership" awards and feel bad? Who cares if ignorant alumni stop giving to our foundation? After all, our goal of anarchistic socialism (as espoused by Noam Chomsky in our credo, "Social Justice," {} justifies all means! My goodness, activism is so much more fun than critical reasoning . . . or disciplined, scholarly research, for that matter.

No definitions, no rules . . . just right!