I hate to play "can you top this?", but with the Elder's story of a speeding ticket I cannot resist. I have back trouble and my church council president is a chiropractor. He has a massage person and after an adjustment and a massage I'm a pretty mellow dude. I was going to meet Jack for some bourbon (and I've had that Macallan, Elder, but Jack and I get this special cask bourbon from a local distributor who has never refused to try to find an odd brand I'll fancy) and I went after a particularly good massage. There's a road that passes by a local high school. 45MPH until you get up to the school, then down to 30, then back to 45. I should know better as my son went to that school, but of course I have this goofy smile from the massage and I have bourbon in the back seat, and I forget to slow down. I went for apologetic and honest ... about the chiropractor and the massage. If he looks in the back seat and sees the plain brown bag, I'm toast. Instead, he gives me a smile and a warning. I've seven months to serve of good behavior.

Surely, there's a bumper sticker for this? "In case of the Rapture, I'm getting an adjustment"?