It comes to the attention of the Banaian for Colorado President campaign that there's been a surge in the polls for a certain cartoon character not named Ward Churchill. I also note that Girl In Right has issued her candidacy on the basis of having a cute kid. I have had to take some time from the campaign to hold down my real job, but I intend to renew my effort today without resorting to impregnating my wife.

Thus, this letter appears in the morning's St. Cloud Times.

I see that St. Cloud State University is sitting on $11 million in unused taxpayer money and is looking for ways to spend it. With the state government running in the red, plus many cities and counties in similar condition, you would think that university President Roy Saigo would salt that money away for a rainy day.

After all, we pay him a substantial salary to manage university finances.

However, I believe that in the near future we will again hear the pleadings for more money for education.

As I have pointed out earlier, the majority of the money we receive on this campus actually comes from student tuition. I have proposed to President Saigo that the better use of this money would be Roychex, a rebate of tuition to students. The university has decided it knows what students want more than students themselves do, and has committed to building a parking ramp.

Under my au-tor-i-tay, Kingchex would be issued to students of CU should CU ever run a surplus. Since my first act at CU would be to abolish the education school, students may expect a gusher of money, certainly enough to keep football recruiting stations awash in beer sales.

I expect rallies of support on campus within the day. If not, screw you guys, I'm going home.

So vote, often.